table for two please.

Being single after an almost decade long relationship is tricky.
Yes its nice to have a whole big bed all to myself,
Not finding dirty socks and other boy things lying on my spotless bathroom floor.
However the whole 'I have no one to hold hands with' has got me feeling all kinds of indigo's and blue this past week.
I love Love. i honestly do. I love the feeling it brings, the cheesy romance of 'where could this go' I cant stand that moment of 'sjoe this really might be over'..
I miss little things of being part of a 'We'..
toothbrushes, his and her's, next to eachother.
The good night kiss.
The good morning, do you want a cup of coffee with extra milk, just the way you like it?
The 'he brought my mom flowers' thing.
Its hard sometimes.
Its like going on a rollercoaster without the safety bar holding you tight.
I find it exhausting, having to get to know someone new all over again, learning how to fight with someone, all over again, how to say 'i love you..and i know this might not work, and i might cry, and you might leave me, and you might want to marry me, and i might not want to marry you, and ive been down this road before, and it took years to gain the courage to leave,im scared your family will hate me,im scared in fall in love with your family and fall out of love with you. What if we start hating eachother? what if we dont?what if this is it?for the rest of our lives?'
Im one of a million single girls in the world out there right now. The only sign of my 'two-ness' remaining is the faint tan line of my once upon a time i was going to get married, engagement ring.
The dog is still moping.
The closet is still hanging empty.
And its okay.
Because it has to be, love comes when you least expect it.
let me just state, Im most definately not ready for love... but i could most definately do with a date.
I could most definately do with a kiss.
That first kiss of promise.
That first look when i first meet you in that bar that we have both been frequenting for ages and isnt it 'strange' to only be meeting now?
So in the glorious meantime of,hoping to meet you one-day, some-day, hopefully soon day, i will continue shaving my legs(just incase, you know),
wearing red lipstick(cos i want to stand out in the crowd incase you look past me), spraying just a little bit of extra perfume(incase you do really look past me, maybe you have a superhuman nose and you can sniff me out from the single girl crowd)
I know you are out there.
This makes me smile.