I was always one of those prince charming and sparkly red shoes that teach you there's no place like home when there's someone to come home to, kind of gal..
So when you are left with a half empty closet, an engagement ring that will never be worn again, books with someone else's name on it, a suddenly very big bed, a dog who looks at you saying 'but wheres my dad gone?' and a dreaded sense of 'im alone again..'there is absolutely not enough ice cream in the world to heal that kind of pain.
Sitting on the ledge of the bath at 2 am this morning, smoking my hundredth cigarette and hating the deafening loudness of the quiet of my little home i realised a very big thing.
Jumping off the cliff to find happiness never means landing on your feet. You are going to hit the rocks, and bruise the shit out of your heart.But even though the silver lining is no where in sight and the world is a grey little place of movies for one, single and mingles and being seated at the 'kids' table at your cousin's wedding... there is hope. I believe in hope with all my bruised little broken heart. And that was enough for me to peel myself up off the bathroom floor, put the ice cream away, lie diagonally across the bed and let the new found idea of hope tuck me into bed.
What a brilliant post! I'm also going through a really tough time, recently broke up with my boyfriend of 3&half years! And this made me smile :)
ReplyDeleteOne particular quote comes to mind at a time like this....
ReplyDelete“When you're young, your whole life is about the pursuit of fun. Then, you grow up and learn to be cautious. You could break a bone or a heart. You look before you leap and sometimes you don't leap at all because there's not always someone there to catch you. And in life, there's no safety net. When did it stop being fun and start being scary?”
And one more to make you smile...
ReplyDeleteLater that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.”
Cara, you always have been an idealist, but being alone is just another sense of adventure and another way to learn more about yourself. And yes, all these things will hurt, but you will be ok... The bed will soon be all right, there will be new, beautiful clothes to fill the closet and the dog will love you even more... Love and Light
ReplyDelete